Why happy people cheat
More than one third of couples in the United Kingdom admit to being unfaithful and, when this is disclosed to their partner, only 30% of long-term relationships end. That said, a couple lacking history and strong ties that bond them together such as having children are much more likely to go their separate ways.
Few events in the life of a couple carry such devastating force. Adultery has existed since relationships was invented, especially in marriage life. Different parts of the world shows different reaction towards the word “affair”, “infidelity” and “adultery”, some cringe at the mere thought of these words before reacting loudly but yet some seem to accept it as part of their lives and move on.
Whatever the relationship status was, when a person does decide to leave their partner for someone they met through an affair, what are the chances things will work out better?
4 common types of affairs that happens
The “It’s only lust” affair
This affairs or flings last only temporary, and the affair revolves mostly around sexual encounters and feels extremely intense but often short-lived when you start to feel “bored” with the same partner and move on to find someone else. At times, these affairs turn into finding Friends With Benefits. No Strings Attached especially at our workplace
The “I’ll show you” affair
This affair starts from resentment towards your partner, where after arguments take place and your personality is being questioned, you feel angry and as if you are being looked down upon. You then start an affair to proof that you are still attractive to others.
The “Just in the head” affair
This affair does not take place physically, but in the minds of a person that has spiritual or emotional connection with another person. Commonly appears to those who have sexual attraction towards their favourite adult movie stars.
The “All in the family” affair
This affair happens amongst sisters and brother-in-laws or vice versa, thinking that they will never be caught.
If you are currently contemplating an affair or if you are in the midst of one, you may be hoping for a future together with your lover given the right circumstances or right timing. If your partner is having one then you are most likely to discover if their relationship has any chance of longevity.
Individuals who contemplate with the though of having affairs usually struggle with a lot of “if only”s – “If only we can get pass our fears and open our hearts and minds to all the possibilities” or “If only my partner will split ways with me so we both can move on and I can be with my lover”
After all, it seems very clear that while perhaps the situation and timing isn’t right, but you deserve to be happy! You only live once and you feel strongly against staying in a relationship that is fraught with difficulty, neglect or even abuse. Your current partner is nearly too demanding, too needy, unavailable, only care for themselves or just plain nuts, right?
Sometimes, being plagued with all these thoughts in our heads will result in a need for reassurance, which you or your partner may look for outside of your current relationship and sometimes it will result in a person never being completely committed and attached to anyone else. Infidelity amongst these group of people is common.
So, can affairs turn into love relationships with possibly a future?
The answer is a clear NO!
In fact, by choosing to be with them (yes, it’s a choice and not a victim of circumstance) and them choosing to be with you, you are proving yourself and to them that you are and will be a really horrible relationship partner. They are demonstrating the same to you too.
It is often assumed that a couple who met illicitly will never truly trust each other, because as the age old saying goes “Once a cheat, always a cheat”. Considering the fact that people who have cheated before are very likely to cheat again even if they are with a different partner, it is certainly doomed for failure. Trust is the cornerstone to all relationships and couples who met through an affair find it even harder to trust one another than those trying to make a relationship work after one has betrayed the other.
5 more reasons on why an affair will never turn into singular love with possibly a future:
They are not remorseful
No matter how much you claim that “they will never do it to me”, you don’t totally trust them and you won’t be going forward with commitment and plans. They have already proven that they lie and cheat.
Would you invite a known thief into your own home and sit with you?
They are a creature of habit
A snake is a snake whether it’s in Alaska or the Sahara desserts. You can change their environment and they may temporarily lay low but once they have adapted to their new surroundings, they easily slide into their old habits.
They have sense of entitlement
In order to cheat, first they will self rationalise that “it was okay” and “I deserve to cheat”. In doing so, this also makes them feel that they deserve to risk your reputation and morals to entice you to be with them.
To put it simply – try placing two selfish, immature thinking people in a room just to plan a road trip or a short vacation and see what happens. You risk being tied to someone who will do anything including abuse to get things their way.
It’s not a safe love
The betrayed partner, no matter how much you hate them or no matter how crazy you think they are, doesn’t deserve to be cheated on. Just like the uprooted flower, you have, by your own choice, uprooted and upended the life and heart of the partner you once committed to love and adore.
Affairs are known for not being only intoxicating but smothering. It’s not a genuine, safe love path to take but one that has been nurtured in egocentricity, blindness and recklessness. Are you really even considering to start a love relationship with someone of that nature?
It will cost you dearly
There are serious consequences for you or your partner’s actions that you can never undo even if you choose to live a humble life till the rest of your days. Someday, you or your partner may have to watch the ex live happily with their spouse and your children (if you decided to cheat after having kids), and you being on the outside looking in remembering what you have but you destroyed it with your own, bare hands.
Never forget, the very person that you are sleeping with is the same person that failed at staying loyal to their previous partner. You may even wind up losing your job, reputations, savings, properties…(the list goes on) if you choose to be with someone that is already known to cheat and lie.
If you have cheated and are remorseful, it’s time to pick up the pieces. Time to get real, be honest, admit and own up to your mistakes and not go cold-turkey on your partner.
Remember – you owe your affair partner NOTHING. They represent and mirror your selfish desires and mistakes. It is time to stop justifying and making excuses for your adultery and infidelity. You can fix what you damaged given the right effort and time.
Know What Adultery Does To A Relationship and how to fix it. You still have time.