Finding love virtually. Possible?
“Do you believe in soulmates?”
“Do you believe you must be similar to your partner to get along fine and well over the long haul?”
“Do you believe that you should only date people around you because you know them personally?”
It’s possible that these beliefs made you ditch promising relationships. Some of these relationships may have started with close people around you (people that you thought you knew them well while being friends), sadly you come to a point and realise that they were way better off being your friend.
Being disappointed in romantic relationships with people around your circle of life drives you to seek for new hope and possibly euphoria in other channels available – going online. Not everyone can make themselves physically and mentally prepared for what come’s next, but as the age old saying goes – “You never know unless you try”.
What happens next?
You have given up hope in finding love from the people around you, but you still hold strong faith in love. Naturally, loneliness consumes you from within and you need to find more choices of potential suitors. The best way to do this? Go online.
You start to download different dating apps, choose your most attractive photo as the cover photo, spend one to two days Googling and writing up the best possible description of yourself – finding the fine balance between gloating and being true to yourself. You are done, everything’s finally ready and you wait in anticipation, checking your phone from time to time hoping for something to happen.
After what seemed to be an eternity (or for some, a couple of hours maybe), your phone starts to buzz non stop from dating app notifications. Your profile starts to be noticed around the globe, and you skip in excitement. This is it! Love has come knocking on your doorstep! (Or is it?)
3 Reasons why finding love online is so amazing
You can really talk/chat with people
When you engage on your physical quest to find love, there are so many things you need to keep track of – your clothes, your body language, even how you smell after walking a couple of streets. That’s a lot to keep in mind.
What’s more, your suitor may speak so loudly coupled with bad manners in a classy restaurant that your actual words may never come out over the top and the embarrassment of being stared at by others, in which case what you are trying to communicate gets lost in the maelstrom of ideas.
In online communication, it’s much less of a hassle and you can get to know somebody for their beliefs, morals and ideas are before you consider to make the next step and meet up. Research backs up the fact that people who meet online are more likely to last longer than those who meet offline.
You both know what the other wants
Not everything that is written on someone’s online profile is real, truth be told but the big strokes are far more likely to be. That basically means that you won’t be investing several months or even years from your life into somebody else’s life only to find out that their ambitions and goals in the relationship is totally different from yours.
You can choose your words and stay calm doing it
The spoken word is great, but the only problem is that you can’t spend too much time thinking about what you are going to say – if you do, other people may think you are either slightly odd or not ready to talk openly. That’s far easier online especially for those of us who are more thoughtful, introvert, or those who like to think outside the box, you feel that you are in your “natural habitat” because you have the timely leisure to choose your words online.
You found your significant other half virtually!
You finally found the right partner online after numerous sessions of chats and video calls throughout the day over a long period of time. Both of you feel comfortable with each other’s presence and naturally, a deep affection grows. The thought of not hearing from one another brings a stab right into the heart. The pain is unbearable. Congratulations! You fell in love online!
A slight hiccup – you are based in United Kingdom but your partner is from Vietnam.
For coming days, this will soon become a thorn amongst your relationship for being geographically separated hundreds of miles apart. Meeting up seems near to impossible when you both have to find time to do so. Don’t be mistaken – what you have now is fantastic but it will never be enough to fulfil your needs and desires in the coming days.
The difference in growing up and the privilege that you both had will be the next challenge in your relationship. You grew up with air conditioning, private schools and video games while your partner grew up in the mountains, used oil lamps at night, walked more than an hour to get to school and never had a warm shower until the age of 15.
Then comes the culture shock – you are used to eating properly cooked white or red meat that you can purchase of the shelves in a supermarket while your partner loves traditional delicacies such as cow intestine soup, frogs and even rats! The mere thought of being served with these food brings a shiver down your spine and your intestines feel like spilling out from the insides!
When you bring two stark backgrounds together into a romantic relationship, some serious sparks will fly, both the good and bad kind. If expectations are not set properly, your relationship is bound to go all the way south, to the point of no return and ultimately closing the chapter in your love book. Here are a few things you can do to make your romantic relationship work with someone from another country with different cultures:
7 things to learn and make your international love relationship work better
You will become significantly less ignorant
Ignorance is our biggest enemy. You have to work pretty damn hard to rise up out of ignorance in life, especially when it comes to romantic relationship with someone from another country.
Empathy is what moves a good person to a great one and while you have a LONG way to go in becoming a great person, you will make progress by seeing another culture through the eyes of someone you love. To truly love someone, you have to love where they came from too.
You should either give your full self to their culture or leave
Many people don’t give a damn about culture, they just enjoy dating someone who looks “exotic”. If you are only interested to date someone “exotic” then you will inevitably move on to the next “exotic” culture over time.
Don’t give hope to someone and break their heart at the end of the day. Treat others the way you want to be treated because when you taste your own medicine, the bitterness may be a lesson for life.
You are a shining example of whatever country you are fom
People aren’t just making a judgement of you, they are also making a judgement about people from your country in general. This isn’t fair but it’s bound to happen.
It’s hard to always feel like you need to “perform” for people, but in a way this might actually make you a better person. Go the extra mile and be extra kind to everyone you meet in the country of your significant other half because you are an example of where you came from.
Be prepared to be the centre of attraction
When you finally meet up with your significant other half and walk around, go to restaurants or malls, people will look at you.
You are different. Just know that going in. People will stare, they can’t help it. You’re not doing anything wrong. Just smile back, wave and get along on your way.
People may stereotype your significant other half
For a fact, people may feel that your significant other half may be some sort of a gold digger especially if they came from a lesser country compared to yours. You can’t exactly blame them for doing so.
Be prepared for that negativity and shrug if off once you have done all the necessary background check on your significant other half. Be confident in your partner and know that they love you for who you are, not how much you earn in a month or what car you drive.
Learning the language is incredibly important
Learn the language. You don’t need to become fluent overnight. Practise 10 to 15 minutes a day for a year if you have to, but never stop learning the native language of your significant other half.
Do remember that learning the language will significantly increase the quality of your interactions everywhere in their country and also in return, increase the quality of your life tenfolds staying in that country. At least you won’t be treated as a “tourist” and everyone finds an opportunity to con you.
Be mindful of how conservative their country may be. It’s hard for them too.
Asian countries are generally more conservative compared to the West. Some may find it offensive for a simple matter of kissing in public and you might even get arrested!
In the United Kingdom or the United States of America, it is pretty common to go to bars and make out with someone they just met a couple of minutes ago, but that may not be the case for your significant other half. The first kiss between the both of you may actually happen after spending more time and getting to know each other better.
Do your homework about how conservative countries react to common things for you such as holding hands, engaging in PDA and especially suggesting pre-marital sex with them.
Love is a two-way street. You are not just learning about their culture, they are also learning a tonne about you and where you came from too. Have pride in where you come from and be patient with them while they are getting used to your habits and culture.